This Perinatal Mental Health Week R U OK? is encouraging Australians to rally around new parents, reminding us it takes a community to support families through the early stages of parenthood.
“Many people feel immense joy in becoming a parent, but research also points to significant challenges,” says parenting expert Dr. Justin Coulson PhD.
“Our emotions are like waves. One moment, we’re completely absorbed in the love for this child, the next, we’re grappling with fear and uncertainty.”
The arrival of a child can deeply impact a parent’s emotional wellbeing. Common struggles include increased feelings of isolation, sleep deprivation, financial pressure, changes in relationships, and a shift in priorities, all of which add to the stress of adjusting to a new life role.
Around 100,000 families in Australia are impacted by perinatal anxiety and depression each year[1], something Ashleigh Howley experienced after the birth of her daughter.
“I was excited to be a mum, but I wasn’t prepared for the emotional toll,” says Ms Howley. She had difficulty breastfeeding, which led to feelings of guilt and self-doubt.
“I couldn’t see all the other wonderful things that I was doing for my daughter, it was that one thing that I couldn’t do that I was ruminating on,” Ms Howley explained.
“At my lowest, I felt so useless that I began to think my daughter would be better off without me.”
For Ms Howley, who volunteers as an R U OK? Community Ambassador, the support of family, friends, and health professionals was life-changing.
“They were constantly there for me, validating my feelings and never making me feel dramatic,” she recalled. “They could tell that I was struggling and made sure I never felt I was alone.”
It’s important to support new parents
Julie Borninkhof, CEO of PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia), says it’s important that new parents feel supported.
“We know from our callers that parenting can be a really isolating experience,” said Ms Borninkhof. “For some, isolation can be grounding, helping them to bond with their new family unit and build confidence as parents but for others, this social disconnection can intensify mental health struggles. That’s why social engagement can be particularly important during this time.
“Many people struggle during this life-changing time, and our ability to cope when we’re not feeling great is reduced,” she said. “What we do know is that new parents thrive when they have a community of care wrapped around them. The sooner they feel supported and connected, the sooner we can reduce their distress, rebuild their confidence, and reconnect them with their lives.”
Dr. Coulson says the first step in supporting a new parent is often starting an open conversation.
“Gently say what you see,” said Dr. Coulson. “You might say to someone, ‘Hey, just lately, I’ve noticed you don’t seem yourself; are you OK?’. Then truly listen. You don’t have to be a therapist to do this. Just be a friend.”
Practical R U OK? tips to support a new parent
- Ask them how they’re going: Regularly ask them how things are for them and offer practical support like meal preparation or running errands to ease their load.
- Listen to understand first, not to solve: Validate their feelings and encourage them to share whatever is on their mind.
- Encourage support options: The PANDA Helpline (1300 726 306) provides free counselling and referrals. A GP or trusted healthcare provider can also be an important source of support.
- Check in often: Simply letting them know you care can make a huge difference.
If you need support, contact:
- The PANDA National Helpline: Call 1300 726 306 Monday to Friday, 9 am – 7.30 pm and Saturday, 9 am – 4 pm (AEST/AEDT) and visit panda.org.au for free resources.
- Lifeline provides free and confidential crisis support. Call 13 11 14, text 0477 13 11 14 or chat online at lifeline.org.au.
- 13YARN (13 92 76) is a free 24/7 service offering crisis support for Aboriginal & Torres Strait Islander people.
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