Summer holidays can be hard when children move between two homes. Christmas Day, visits with grandparents and trips away all need a plan. If that plan is still being sorted out by text on Christmas Eve, kids can feel the pressure too. Writing it down early helps keep things calmer for them.
Queensland state schools finish on Friday 11 December and go back on Wednesday 27 January, so there are about six and a half weeks to share, Christmas included.
Where summer plans tend to unravel
It’s rarely the ordinary week that causes trouble. It’s Christmas morning, who drives the kids to the grandparents, or a trip one parent books before the other has said yes. When nothing is written down, each parent can walk away with a different version of the plan.
Who has the kids on Christmas Day?
Start with anything you already have in writing, such as an agreement you both signed or court orders about the kids. Read the holiday parts before you start negotiating. Look for:
- who has the kids on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day
- changeover times and places
- how the rest of the summer is split
- whether an interstate trip needs notice or the other parent’s agreement.
If there’s nothing in writing about summer, raise it now, while there’s still time to talk it through calmly.
Can we just agree between us?
Yes, and plenty of families do. A written agreement signed and dated by both parents is called a parenting plan. It can cover the same points as the list above, plus time with grandparents and any holiday away. Even a single page helps, because everyone is working from the same plan.
A parenting plan isn’t legally enforceable, so it works only while you both stick to it. If you want something firmer, a family lawyer can help you ask the court to turn your agreement into consent orders, which are orders you’ve both agreed to.
If you already have court orders, read them before you put a Christmas swap in writing, because a parenting plan signed later can change what they require.
Thinking about a holiday overseas?
Check the paperwork before booking flights. Where orders are in place or a court case is underway, taking a child out of Australia without the other parent’s written consent or a court order can be a criminal offence.
When you can’t agree
If the back-and-forth is getting nowhere, a trained, neutral mediator can help you both reach an agreement before anyone goes near a court. It’s called family dispute resolution.
Family Relationship Centres in Brisbane and on the Gold Coast offer it, and the Family Relationship Advice Line on 1800 050 321 can point Sunshine Coast families to their nearest service. If you can’t reach an agreement, or the other parent won’t take part, the mediator can issue a certificate saying so.
If you have safety concerns, get legal advice first. Call 000 in an emergency or 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732.
If it ends up needing a court: you’ll generally need that certificate first, unless an exception such as urgency, family violence or child abuse applies. For orders before Christmas, applications to the Federal Circuit and Family Court need to be filed before 4pm on Friday 13 November. Later non-urgent applications get the next available date, which may be after Christmas, and filing on time doesn’t guarantee a hearing before then.
Keep the kids out of the middle
Don’t give the kids messenger duty. Keep messages to the other parent brief, informative, friendly and firm, and keep the arrangements between the two of you. If the plan falls apart on the day, write down what happened and when, and get advice before you react.
If you do one thing this week, check your paperwork, then send the other parent a short, friendly message suggesting how to split the Christmas days. With any luck, the only thing the kids will worry about this summer is where the beach towels are.
This article is general information only and isn’t legal advice for your situation.
By Hayder Shkara, Justice Family Lawyers
Hayder Shkara is the founder of Justice Family Lawyers, a firm of family lawyers in Sydney.
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