The divorce process is painful. There is sorrow, but there can also be a sense of freedom because you choose how you handle it. There will be times when you feel like it’s too hard to get out of bed or go outside because nobody understands what you are going through.
But even if others can relate, this doesn’t mean they know what you need more than you do. Sometimes, we need help sorting through our thoughts and feelings to develop a plan to bring us back to life and give us some confidence.
Here are five tips for rebuilding your confidence and resilience after divorce.
The importance of confidence
Confidence is vital for any individual, especially after a divorce. It can be easy to feel like your whole life is falling down and that you’re not good enough. By increasing your confidence, you can heal faster and come up with a plan to rebuild your life.
The first step in rebuilding a new sense of confidence is changing how you think about yourself. If you’re feeling like no one understands what you are going through, the truth is that many people know exactly how it feels to be in a situation similar to yours!
It can also help to focus on the things you do well and find ways to appreciate yourself regularly. Write a list of your achievements and things you do well and read it often. This list will boost your confidence. When you find something that makes you feel good about yourself, it will inspire positive thoughts. Positive thoughts lead to positive actions, which will result in positive outcomes.
Most importantly, avoid the comparison trap. You will bruise your confidence if you compare yourself to other parents. Whether they’re married, separated, divorced, single, what you see on the outside is only the tip of the iceberg. You cannot see what’s happening underneath. Continue focusing on yourself and what you do best.
Getting support and accepting help
Showing resilience through a divorce doesn’t mean trying to do it all yourself. Resilience is having the courage to ask for help. Whether you seek support from family and friends, professionals, or online communities, it’s important to remember that you have a choice in how you handle your divorce. You don’t have to deal with it alone.
It can also be helpful to find someone who has been through what you are going through and tell them your story. When people hear stories like theirs, they often feel validated and less alone in their struggle. This can help build resilience and confidence because they know they are not facing this battle themselves, and you will feel the same.
You can find support groups online.
Learning to trust yourself
It can be hard to trust yourself after divorce. You have spent years giving your partner your full support, and now you are left alone with your kids and house. It may seem like there’s no one you can trust in this world. But it’s time to learn to trust in yourself again.
We’ve all been there before, lost, lonely and uncertain of where we are going. But, we have found our way back to happiness before through the help of others and ourselves. This time won’t be any different for you. You need to find a new path that will lead you back to self-confidence and trust in yourself again. It starts with learning who you are without a spouse or kids relying on you every day.
Finding the right balance between work and play
Finding the right balance between work and play impacts you and affects your kids. When you take the time to go for a walk, go to coffee with friends, or spend time enjoying a hobby, it benefits your health and well-being, and your kids see your resilience, and they learn from it.
A one-income household means added pressure on many levels, and it can often mean working around the clock to make ends meet. Even if work has its demands, don’t let your fight for your kids be in vain. Look at what you value most and set some boundaries. This doesn’t mean giving up work. It doesn’t mean you have failed; it could mean negotiating different work hours or re-evaluating your obligations to your employer.
Balancing work and play is not easy, and during divorce, you have to think about it differently. For example, it may seem to be a great idea to cram as much work as possible on the days you don’t have your kids. But will you have the energy and mental presence when your kids return? Remember, your kids will notice this too, so creating boundaries and making the quality time count is essential, particularly for their mental health and yours.
Putting your plan into action
It can be frustrating when someone tells you that you need to put your plan into action. You may feel like you have no idea where to start. It’s hard to know what to do when we feel lost in this new life. You need a plan that will bring you back to life and give you back some confidence because divorce is never an easy thing to go through.
Consider creating a personal mission statement or a personal values list with words about who you are and what matters most in your life. This way, if things get tough and you don’t know how else to move forward, these statements can help guide you.
James Clear, the author of Atomic Habits, suggests that you choose fewer than five personal values because choosing too many means nothing becomes a priority.
You may also want to start a gratitude journal, which is a place for recording the good things that happen each day. When we find gratitude in the simple moments of our lives, it reminds us how fortunate we are and gives us hope for the future ahead.
We all lead different lives, so the important thing is figuring out what works best for you and remembering that you haven’t failed if something doesn’t work. Balance is a lot about priorities and boundaries. Make them clear, know their importance, and know the consequences of ignoring them. A piece of paper, a vision board or in a journal can remind you that you can do this!
About the Author
Jennifer Hetherington is an award-winning Brisbane family lawyer at Divorce Hub. She has more than 15 years’ experience in Family Law. More than a law firm, Divorce Hub guides women through separation and divorce, providing legal, practical, emotional support throughout the process.
