We, mothers, feel guilty about EVERYTHING. The lunchbox we made that was basically BBQ Shapes in a box. That time Child 1 fell off the playground because I was watching Child 2. That time we bailed on swimming lessons as, quite frankly, we couldn’t be f*&ked. But even on the eve of the day that is supposed to be a celebration of the mountains we move for our kids each day, I manage to find a smidge of guilt to cling onto. Because Mother’s Day brings with it such a mix of emotions.
Mother guilt comes in many forms
Don’t get me wrong, I am so grateful to be a mother to my two bambinos. But Mother’s Day is always a reminder of my three other children – those that aren’t here.
Ask a mother how many kids they have, and many will have two numbers in their heads: how many kids they have and how many times they have been pregnant.
Mine is 2 and 5. So as I celebrate Mother’s Day with my two babies, I can’t help but feel a sense of guilt. Guilt for being happy and grateful for what I have when I know there are so many women out there who are struggling with infertility or have suffered the loss of a pregnancy.
Guilt for the times I’ve mourned the loss of the life I lived before kids – the young, free, single me that would be having a blast on a Saturday night!
But, I also know that I am allowed to feel both sadness and happiness, and that is okay.
How to celebrate Mother’s Day guilt-free
As for celebrating Mother’s Day, I am torn. On one hand, I want to do something special with my family to celebrate the incredible little unit we have built. But on the other hand, I don’t want to feel like I’m rubbing my happiness in the faces of those who are still struggling to conceive or with loss. It’s a delicate balance.
So, I’ve decided to keep it simple this year. A day spent with my family, doing things we love, and simply being together. I’ll take a moment to acknowledge and remember the pregnancies I lost. But I’ll also be grateful for the love my two kids bring to my life. And most importantly, I’ll remind myself that it’s okay to feel a mix of emotions and that my journey as a mother is unique and valid, just like every other mother’s journey.
To all the mothers out there, whether you have children by your side, babies with wings. Whether you’re celebrating with joy or mourning with sadness, I see you. And I wish you a happy and guilt-free Mother’s Day.